Started the night off with Derek and Lisa hosting me with some fine Indian cuisine and two great NCAA bball games, if you like Duke ;)
I know I overstayed my welcome (as I usually do), but I had a fun time talking with them, and by the end of the night I felt a stronger connection to Derek because of it. Weird to think with one of your best friends who you've known for so many years. Weird is the wrong word here. Increasing ones perspective and understanding within a well established relationship is not something one gets to do everyday. (In general, maybe it should be? Not sure if it should be? Anyway.. I suppose most things ebb and flow, but yeah... )
I'm not sure how this all started; we were talking about our mutual history and our friends and how it all started, and how it all intertwined. I mean, I kinda know it, and yet I kinda don't within his perspective, and because of that it was great to sit down and share our thoughts, and it's really awesome just chatting relaxed on a couch, especially with a ball game (baseball in Houston on the Tivo at that point) in the background.
I feel I've changed a bit over the last few months, and enjoy listening and interacting more within this kind of thing. What I mean to say is that I've ALWAYS enjoyed it, but I'm enjoying it on a different level at the moment. To me that kind of thing has always been really special. Hmmm.. not sure how to further express; I mean, I think it has more to do with me and my (inner) thoughts and (outer) actions in regards to these things, and slowing down and participating more. Instead of just thinking (internally) about what has been said, if I question something, I try to question out loud. I feel better about expressing questions and about expressing myself and my thoughts for some reason. I think that there is a different level of interaction because of that; a better bouncing of ideas because of it. And I'm sure this is sounding self serving (welcome to my blog ;), but I love talking about this shit. Perhaps what I am trying to say is that the opportunity to have multiple friends with which I can discuss anything with is something I want to continue developing and taking advantage of. Revolutionary, I know.
Anyway, after bidding Derek and Lisa a good night (and skipping the Japandroids show at the Horseshoe.. meh... ), I made my way over to Jeremy's and we chatted about a few things until we somehow slipped onto the topic of good intentions. What are good intentions? Can you read someone's intentions based solely on their actions? When disagreeing on that, does one just need greater perspective? How does that help? i.e. can everything be solved with "full" perspective? How about greater good vs. long term good vs. short term benefits? And, the big hitter, does every person always everywhere (yup), depending on said perspectives (from selfish, self-destructive, altruistic, etc), always act within the framework of "good" intentions?
These things turned into a lengthy (3 hour, by my count) discussion. There was quite the matrix established... haha... semantics of positive vs. negative intentions, actions, indirect actions, assuming actions and reactions, etc...
This kind of thing may be boring/unproductive/counter-productive for a lot of you, but I find these types of examinations quite beneficial on several levels. For one, it's not that I was always scared to express my opinions - quite the contrary! But lately I've been thinking that I just never had the time to develop my opinions to the extent that I expected from myself. Ummm... I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I feel I've been institutionalized, relationshipized, and regimented too well, enough that I feel my thoughts, ideas and feelings were relatively set, but predominantly internalized. I've just never been able to fully express them coherently (a) about something as wonderful as these things (b) as "eloquently" (c) with the proper rational thoughts and (d) proper examples. Put another way, the connections and thoughts have always been there but they have just never been associated with the eloquence and fluidity necessary for simple discussion and expression for further thought and examination... haha.. and obviously still aren't! Within my mind and expression style, at least.. hahaha! I think this has to do with the story telling aspect/kick I've been on (/trying to be on) lately, and to express what I feel and believe with examples and real thought out emotions and ideas, rather than just gorgeously vague thoughts and feelings. This may simply just be coming down to a new found confidence, or an attempt to try something new. I'm not sure. Anyway, further fodder.
At the end of our talk we agreed on the thoughts at hand(!), and realized that despite the fact of both of us knowing each other so well it was still absolutely necessary to properly define terms and muddle through semantics on these types of complex issues and ideas. (And now one wonders how NATO discussions are often left fruitless? ;) It goes without saying (ahem) that how, what and why one says something has so much specific and individual meaning that it's often hard for others to even fully understand or grasp the basic meaning one is trying to convey.
I suppose that's eloquence and clarity? Is that even necessarily always the goal?.. ugh... I digress.
And with that thought on my bike ride home, smiling to myself, I again realized we both agreed that people can and do occasionally act with 'negative intentions'.
Yeah, we also listened to the entirety of Plaskett's Three along the way...
Ever wonder why Joel hates that (Kelowna) town? See below.. but just be warned, he does rattle on a bit ;)
1 year ago